i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
