I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
