she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love having hate sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
