Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
