When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable