so that wasnt chicken after all
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
