worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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