Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
