Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
