what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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