i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
