It's like God shit irony all over that family
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
