I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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