This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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