i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
