Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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