Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
