The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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