Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
