What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
