Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
