omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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