How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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