Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
