when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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