No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
