It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
