Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
