My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize