i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
