Im at strip club and am horny
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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