Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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