oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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