I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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