I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
