You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
