No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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