Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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