Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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