if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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