i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she told me i tasted like america
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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