Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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