Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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