if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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