So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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