So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
