woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
