so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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