did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ugly people sure do ruin things
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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