dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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