I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My vagina is officially offended.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize