I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
