What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
