I wish my penis had an off switch
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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