gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize