it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
