I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
