Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
