can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
