Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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