: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
