Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
