I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize