Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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