I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
